Reaching a final decision to separate from your spouse or partner ranks as one of the most traumatic events in our lives.
Telling your children of that decision will be equally as hard and, from our experience as Family Lawyers, we believe that upon, and following your separation your children have a better chance of remaining settled and happy if they know and can see you working together, in their interests, with your former partner/spouse.
Part of that working together, before you announce your decision to your children is that you’ve considered and agreed what arrangements would be best for them.
Give thought to how long might be best for your children to stay at your house and then your partner’s house – try to think about what would be best for your children (they’ll thank you for it in the longer term), where their school is placed, what after school and weekend activities they are already involved in, and where might be best for them to stay and for how long.
When your children are moving between their two homes, ensure you give them time to settle, that they have ‘space’ they can call their own, somewhere where they can put their things, that will be private and will be there when they return the next time – a safe haven.
We recommend that you give thought to their birthdays. Despite your separation, might you be able to share their birthday celebration? – you could halve the cost between you! Or would your children prefer separate treats on or around their birthdays. Remember, the celebration does not always have to be on their actual birthday.
What of Christmas? How could that be shared? It can be, and very successfully. There are many inventive ways that the whole family can enjoy the Christmas festivities albeit separately.
The key to happy children following your separation, is to continue to be respectful of your former partner; try to put your differences in other areas to one side and ensure the most stable future for your children. Above all, make sure that you do not weaponise your children – to do so generally comes back to bite you!
We understand that amid the turmoil of separation thinking of the children’s needs going forward can be overwhelming and often emotions can continue to run high for some time. Our Family Department has much experience in this area of family law (which include services such as divorce and separation, and child arrangement orders) and if you feel we can assist in any way, then please do get in touch familylaw@jacksons-law.com.
