I was supposed to be writing this blog about the clocks changing and how we are all looking forward to summer, whilst looking back on the last financial year and preparing to start a new one.
However, it doesn’t seem right to be writing about anything other than my Mum – it was Mothering Sunday yesterday after all.
I guess my Mum has been my greatest supporter – she has after all been there since day one and has seen the good and the bad. She is in her 80’s now and with dementia she can no longer provide the support she used to – it is our turn to look after her but the lessons she taught me and my sisters are as valuable today as they have ever been, just as her love for us is not diminished in any way by her confusion, the fact she no longer cooks you dinner or remembers what you tell her.
When I think about my Mum I realise how privileged I have been to have had such a strong role model to love and care for me.
My Mum taught us it was good to be a strong and independent woman. For many of the years of my childhood she did not work outside of the home but she tackled all sorts of things – she was the family gardener, decorator and chauffeur. She made many of our clothes, grew our food and helped us with our homework. If she didn’t know the answer to something, she taught us to go and find someone who did and ask. Basically if something needed doing you were meant to do it not leave it to someone else or say it was too hard.
She showed us that family mattered more than anything else – that we were to settle our arguments, help and support each other and defend each other from all comers. I will always remember her going into battle on my behalf, a tiger defending her cub, when my grandparents thought I had ideas above my station because I wanted to go to university. No-one in our family had ever been but my Mum sent me off with love and a clear message – there was nothing I could do that was so bad I couldn’t come home! My family had clearly not got too many positive vibes about further education but my Mum knew I would be alright, because her one condition to my university plan was that I couldn’t leave home without being able to cook a roast dinner single handed so at least I arrived able to feed myself.
We were expected as children to do our best – it didn’t matter if you came last at the swimming gala or first in the spelling test, as long as you tried your hardest Mum was proud of you. She encouraged us all to spread our wings to try new things and go to new places as long as you sent a text to say the plane had landed! She has never understood our argument that she would know without a text if our plane hadn’t landed and now as a mother myself, I know she is so right – an Instagram photo or a whatsapp can mean all is well with the world whichever part of it your children have disappeared to!
My Mum has been amazingly generous and supportive – her backing has been unconditional and never demanding. Like all mothers, she loves to talk to you but would always say as long as you are alright I understand you are busy – you don’t need to worry about us. Now she doesn’t know how much we are worrying but with hindsight we have never known how much she was worrying because she has never put us under any pressure by telling us.
Our relationship might be changing but I still know how my Mum loves me when she hugs me. It doesn’t matter if she can’t remember what is going on, or who is visiting or what you said five minutes ago, the memories are rich and the life lessons firmly embedded. My Mum has never run a business, has never had to look after staff members or give a presentation but she taught me how to budget and work through a problem, she taught me how to depend on myself and work with others and to care, and she taught me to give 100% to everything I do and then nothing more can be asked. So today, while this is personal, I need to say thank you Mum for your mentoring and for your care and most of all for your love and that whatever happens I will be there for you too. You are amazing and I am very very proud of you.
